hard, hard girl

If you read my previous post, you’ll see it was from 2007.

I recently dug up archives of my maiden blog, a little xanga affair begun a year or two before my 2007 post. It’s funny to read it now, how I gush on and on. Surprising too, because I ardently avoided being overly personal with this blog -not that you could tell from my recent postings.

I haven’t had earth-shaking hypotheses or super-intellectual queries lately, and you have to keep the readers occupied. In this old blog, I shamelessly gush about how my day went, what I am thinking, almost like stream of consciousness. It was suitable for me then.

I feel much more guarded now. Just stay back now, and we’ll keep the details sketchy. When I wrote the posts I’ve been reading through, I was a sophomore in university. I had been out of my parents’ house for a bit over six months, and I can still remember how wide-eyed and optimistic I was. My roommates could have told you.

That apartment housed me for three years. Same bed, same window. When we first moved in, I remember wistfully looking out my window. At night, the street light cast a romantic haze on the sidewalk and I could imagine exciting worlds through the glass. By the time I left, I imagined no adventure or worlds.

Generally, I describe me to myself as a pillar of strength unto myself. But not as if that were admirable. Is this my innocence turned shrewd? I don’t think I’m too tough yet. But I’m definitely sporting some awesome armor. A good thing?

And now, despite my better judgment, this is much more first-person than I should wish, but so be it. With any luck, I’ll move on soon, and will post some dry, interesting bit of philosophy.


1 Comment

Filed under 'bout me, complex things

One response to “hard, hard girl

  1. Hmmm….(again).

    I would (sadly) agree with you, google-earth ruined any sense of adventure I ever had.

    lol. But really? You see yourself more ‘equipped’ (or street smart) to deal with the world, but you’re viewing through a more…pessimistic lense? Does that sound right? Maybe not even pessimistic, but an almost total lack of optimism unless struck by some philosophical pondering or simple visual (such as the thoughts of social interactions, or maybe a picture of a little girl with ice cream all over her face)? Would that classify you in (even a small) way? Hmm. You should do more crazy things. Like…play capture the flag in Wal-Mart. Or put M&M’s on layaway. πŸ™‚

    But! I would submit that no matter what you ramble on about here, you will have readers. So for those hungry masses? Feed them with what you have.


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