Category Archives: ’bout me

hard, hard girl

If you read my previous post, you’ll see it was from 2007.

I recently dug up archives of my maiden blog, a little xanga affair begun a year or two before my 2007 post. It’s funny to read it now, how I gush on and on. Surprising too, because I ardently avoided being overly personal with this blog -not that you could tell from my recent postings.

I haven’t had earth-shaking hypotheses or super-intellectual queries lately, and you have to keep the readers occupied. In this old blog, I shamelessly gush about how my day went, what I am thinking, almost like stream of consciousness. It was suitable for me then.

I feel much more guarded now. Just stay back now, and we’ll keep the details sketchy. When I wrote the posts I’ve been reading through, I was a sophomore in university. I had been out of my parents’ house for a bit over six months, and I can still remember how wide-eyed and optimistic I was. My roommates could have told you.

That apartment housed me for three years. Same bed, same window. When we first moved in, I remember wistfully looking out my window. At night, the street light cast a romantic haze on the sidewalk and I could imagine exciting worlds through the glass. By the time I left, I imagined no adventure or worlds.

Generally, I describe me to myself as a pillar of strength unto myself. But not as if that were admirable. Is this my innocence turned shrewd? I don’t think I’m too tough yet. But I’m definitely sporting some awesome armor. A good thing?

And now, despite my better judgment, this is much more first-person than I should wish, but so be it. With any luck, I’ll move on soon, and will post some dry, interesting bit of philosophy.

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Filed under 'bout me, complex things

i wish i had a home.

I feel displaced right now. Somehow, I feel as though I am on some sort of mission trip that never ends, or sometimes that I am on a year long holiday.

It can be hard for me to believe that I am living here. I live here. This is my home for now.

I know that it sounds silly, but one of my biggest concerns is that when I come back to the States, I won’t have a home. Assuming I come back to the States.

Where my parents live isn’t home. I have lost my little apartment with friends. Can I go back to Florida and still find it a place to rest?

I have never given roots much weight. I always thought always living in one area was for sissies with no sense of adventure. But I think I begin to see how important it is to be established in an area. It galls me to no end that I will probably be just reaching a satisfying level of comfort and friendship in this city before I leave. Then I’ll leave?!

That is that for. So I don’t know what I am doing after this year. I don’t know if I want to forge ahead with being abroad, likely not. Do I want to go back to the States for some period? Likely.

Regardless, I think I had been tend to establishing myself somewhere and spending some a significant amount of time there. Enough time to feel like I belong.

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just one thought.

Do you ever feel like you’re not living but waiting to live? I know that’s a semi-quote from someone, but I can’t remember who. Well, I feel that way sometimes.

After you wonder if you will start truly living someday, do you then wonder if, one day, not too long from now, you’ll look back to now and say, “That was greatness right then”?

It’s midnight. I’ve caught the sore throat bit that’s flying around our team, and I’m a bit bitter about it. So I will conclude there and develop something more substantial later.

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that’s all baby.

My blog is what I will for it to be, and I steer away from it being too personal or divulging. But, I imagine you can get a pretty good picture of what I am like (especially if you’re one of my actual friends who reads this).

I read a lot of other people’s blogs. Of course, most push forth the fun, the exciting, and of course the good pictures for their blog. Who wouldn’t. Yet you can get the essence of the person’s life through their posts, the gist of things. Some of them have really awesome things happening in their lives (not to mention they have photoshop).

In my life, there are things that I want, things that I wish would be. But those things aren’t right now. I can’t force certain things into my life. And I really do like my life now as well. It’s just that sometimes I wish my life, or my blog, could be different. Maybe that I’d be different.

But this is who I am now, so this is what you get.

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serious business.

I went to Belfast yesterday. Flew out  in the morning and returned at same night- first time I’ve done a roundtrip all in one day. I was there on business with my co-worker for the organization I am here in London with (sorry that I’m ending this sentence with a preposition).

The trip was great, long day, etc. We got up at 4 am to get  to the airport and fly out and were going all day. I didn’t get back until eleven. The airports and exhibiting made it hard to eat well, but especially to get enough to drink. Everyone around me is catching sickness; it’s not time to mess around. Airports prevented me from bringing water in my bag. I really to get over myself and just buy bottled water when I need it.

Anyway, per UKish tradition, we were offered a lot of tea, coffee, and “Squash” a drink kind of like Hawaiian punch. I managed a cup or two of coffee. When I was really desperate, I partially filled one of the mugs with the milk meant for slashing in tea or coffee. Finally at lunch, I scored a teeny glass of water, slammed that down, and ran and refilled it. Guys, don’t laugh at me, they don’t have water fountains over here. I haven’t seen one yet. Our flights were short to, so they charged you for anything to drink.

So this morning it’s time to get down to business. I am hoping my poor body will forgive me. In the hour since I got up, I’ve consumed:

– A small tumbler of apple juice
– One cup of instant coffee
– A bit of soy milk in half a bowl of cereal
– A second tumbler of apple juice
– One large glass of water
– Almost done with another mug of coffee and another glass of water.

Hoorah for water!

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Filed under 'bout me, Contingency

My dear friend and former roomie (roommate for three full years! top that.) is celebrating her birthday today all the way across the ocean from me. I really miss you, Brenna Joy.

In other news, I’m not generally an observer of Halloween, but exactly one year ago today, I was navigating four little Saudi kids through a neighborhood to ring doorbells and earn candy for their costumes. Half of the time, we were trying to curtail the youngest’s attempts to run out into the street, and it was a really hot evening to chase kids. But it was such a good time.

And still yet, I have had a really good week here. It’s probably the best week I’ve had in London thus far. Several days, I’ve just found myself musing about how this is so unreal and how grateful I am that I am here. Oh, and I ran five miles today. First time ever.

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Filed under 'bout me, Contingency, Everyday, life in london

an american in britain

It’s funny frequently thinking about your nationality. You (or at least I don’t) don’t think about the country you are from until you are outside of it. Over here, I’m like, “Yes! I’m an American!” But, I may add, the Scotsman in our group is just as passionate about his country.

So here, we are, just over a month living in the illustrious city of London.

I’m sharing a flat with two girls, living with 10 people over all. I have a 40 hour work week, a small collection of clothes to keep me warm in this increasing cold. It doesn’t feel like home yet.

I love the river Thames and the Queen’s Walk, which goes along it on the south bank. I have picked up knitting as a caveat to my job, a way to befriend some of the locals. I am reading recreationally again, after four years of university. Right now, I am reading Vanity Fair (all my lit friends would be so proud).

My appreciation and knowledge of coffee has broadened as I have been educated on our espresso machine at work. My career as a barista is burgeoning. So yeah, what I miss of American cuisine is being compensated for over good coffee.

I am working on my goals for the year. I like it here most days.

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Filed under 'bout me, Contingency, Everyday, life in london